Imagine if you will.
Your Mother has buried you in the ground, she's wept tears and worn black and now, as she's clearing your house of it's contents, your old lady opens a bedroom draw and discovers a 16 inch petrol-powered dildo and an envelope full of lurid Polaroids of you, your partner and that couple you met on holiday in Corfu.
Sure it was a great night. Everyone was high on wine and willing to experiment. It's not something you'd advertise, nor is it something you regret, and yet, as you stare down at your nearest and dearest wiping off suspicious flakes from the "Black Mamba 2000" and burning the sex photos in the kitchen sink you realise that one thing is gospel and true.
Nobody really knows anybody.
Everyone has secrets. Embarrassing desires and illicit thoughts.
Some, the brave, shameless and the mentally-insane have few things to hide. They it let all hang out and do not fear the consequences of their actions and it must be a very nice way to live. You can say anything, feel anything and want anything and not have to worry what other people think of you. Ok, you might get punched in the face occasionally, you might even get arrested, but at least you’re not keeping it all in.
If you ask the average person what they really want, they give you the pre-recorded common responses; I want love, I want money, I want peace. I want my husband, my wife, my kids.'
All pretty standard stuff and all fine choices, but dig a little bit deeper. Pause, roll a cigarette and think about it. Pretend that nobody's listening and nobody cares and that if you didn't admit the absolute truth and sing it from the rooftops, somewhere in Neverland, a fairy will die.
It's a dangerous exercise.
Some will want to shag their next door neighbour, tell their best friend they love them or tell their lover they no longer do. Others will want to walk out the door and leave everything behind; the kids, the wife, the trinkets of life. Sure there are those who would want nothing more than a Giant Toblerone and a blow job and all I can say to those people is, lucky you! If your imagination doesn't stretch beyond oral sex and confectionary then you're probably very good in bed.
Still, do not fear that your desires are destined to be caged. Just because something isn’t socially acceptable or morally-sound today, doesn’t mean it won’t be tomorrow. Imagine those long cold years of homosexual repression, generations of men and women who had to hide their want, only for the state to one day turnaround and declare it all to be legally acceptable.
Personally, if I was gay, I would have been buggering my butch lover up the gates of Downing street in spite of the law. I barely pay attention to what I say, myself, never mind what nonsense the state, or law, spouts.
It’s in their best interest to encourage you to suppress your thoughts because, once you start thinking, Lord knows where it might lead.
I was highly tempted to concentrate on the whole government expenses business, this issue, but it’s rather a boring subject. The only thing I find amusing about it, is the fact that people are crying that their money is being spent on moat-cleaners and women’s underwear….. well here’s a news flash ladies and gentlemen:
Your tax dollars are also being spent on bullets, bombs and nuclear missiles but I assume you knew that already and you are ok with it, otherwise I’m sure you would taken to the streets in moral protest by now. (Wouldn’t you?)
It’s all pretty fucked really, and perhaps it always was, and in the end the very best that we can hope for is that when we breathe our last breath, and leave this rock for good, a good friend of ours will find our Dildo, laugh their arse off and chuck it in the outside bin. At least….. I hope they’d chuck it in the bin. There is nothing more disconcerting than the sight of a second-hand sex toy for sale on e-bay.
Still, maybe it is better if all of our skeletons fall out of the closet.
Why be embarrassed for being a human being?
P.S. I’d like to big up the Hull Truck Theatre which has finally opened it’s doors. They’ve managed to retain the charm and accessibility of the old building, everything looks pretty and new and I, for one, am impressed from my boots to my bonnet. Hull finally has an artistic base it can celebrate and be proud of and I cannot applaud the driving forces behind the project hard enough. A job well done indeed and if I could take them all out for an evening of scotch and strippers, I would gladly do so.
The opening play might have been the single greatest atrocity in Hull’s theatre history but I’m sure we will be blessed with many great shows and productions in the future.
Your Mother has buried you in the ground, she's wept tears and worn black and now, as she's clearing your house of it's contents, your old lady opens a bedroom draw and discovers a 16 inch petrol-powered dildo and an envelope full of lurid Polaroids of you, your partner and that couple you met on holiday in Corfu.
Sure it was a great night. Everyone was high on wine and willing to experiment. It's not something you'd advertise, nor is it something you regret, and yet, as you stare down at your nearest and dearest wiping off suspicious flakes from the "Black Mamba 2000" and burning the sex photos in the kitchen sink you realise that one thing is gospel and true.
Nobody really knows anybody.
Everyone has secrets. Embarrassing desires and illicit thoughts.
Some, the brave, shameless and the mentally-insane have few things to hide. They it let all hang out and do not fear the consequences of their actions and it must be a very nice way to live. You can say anything, feel anything and want anything and not have to worry what other people think of you. Ok, you might get punched in the face occasionally, you might even get arrested, but at least you’re not keeping it all in.
If you ask the average person what they really want, they give you the pre-recorded common responses; I want love, I want money, I want peace. I want my husband, my wife, my kids.'
All pretty standard stuff and all fine choices, but dig a little bit deeper. Pause, roll a cigarette and think about it. Pretend that nobody's listening and nobody cares and that if you didn't admit the absolute truth and sing it from the rooftops, somewhere in Neverland, a fairy will die.
It's a dangerous exercise.
Some will want to shag their next door neighbour, tell their best friend they love them or tell their lover they no longer do. Others will want to walk out the door and leave everything behind; the kids, the wife, the trinkets of life. Sure there are those who would want nothing more than a Giant Toblerone and a blow job and all I can say to those people is, lucky you! If your imagination doesn't stretch beyond oral sex and confectionary then you're probably very good in bed.
Still, do not fear that your desires are destined to be caged. Just because something isn’t socially acceptable or morally-sound today, doesn’t mean it won’t be tomorrow. Imagine those long cold years of homosexual repression, generations of men and women who had to hide their want, only for the state to one day turnaround and declare it all to be legally acceptable.
Personally, if I was gay, I would have been buggering my butch lover up the gates of Downing street in spite of the law. I barely pay attention to what I say, myself, never mind what nonsense the state, or law, spouts.
It’s in their best interest to encourage you to suppress your thoughts because, once you start thinking, Lord knows where it might lead.
I was highly tempted to concentrate on the whole government expenses business, this issue, but it’s rather a boring subject. The only thing I find amusing about it, is the fact that people are crying that their money is being spent on moat-cleaners and women’s underwear….. well here’s a news flash ladies and gentlemen:
Your tax dollars are also being spent on bullets, bombs and nuclear missiles but I assume you knew that already and you are ok with it, otherwise I’m sure you would taken to the streets in moral protest by now. (Wouldn’t you?)
It’s all pretty fucked really, and perhaps it always was, and in the end the very best that we can hope for is that when we breathe our last breath, and leave this rock for good, a good friend of ours will find our Dildo, laugh their arse off and chuck it in the outside bin. At least….. I hope they’d chuck it in the bin. There is nothing more disconcerting than the sight of a second-hand sex toy for sale on e-bay.
Still, maybe it is better if all of our skeletons fall out of the closet.
Why be embarrassed for being a human being?
P.S. I’d like to big up the Hull Truck Theatre which has finally opened it’s doors. They’ve managed to retain the charm and accessibility of the old building, everything looks pretty and new and I, for one, am impressed from my boots to my bonnet. Hull finally has an artistic base it can celebrate and be proud of and I cannot applaud the driving forces behind the project hard enough. A job well done indeed and if I could take them all out for an evening of scotch and strippers, I would gladly do so.
The opening play might have been the single greatest atrocity in Hull’s theatre history but I’m sure we will be blessed with many great shows and productions in the future.
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