Uncut Review: Cockneys Vs Zombies

If you're a fan of amusing decapitations and buckets of guts then Matthias Hoene's cheap and cheerful Cockneys Vs Zombies (2012) will provide you with around about the same amount of entertainment as a decent game of monopoly. On the other hand, if the mere mention of a Zombie film induces you to vomit in disgust and that far too many film-makers seem rabidly intent on flogging a dead corpse rather than producing something original - you'd better shuffle those “Chance” cards and think about putting a hotel on Mayfair.

London-centric film seems to be all the rage these day's and the likes of Tower Block (2012) and Wild Bill (2011) have all received plenty of press, but the great British tradition of over-hyping home grown products has not led to an increase in box office receipts. Attack the Block (2012) for example, which was given excessive amounts of airtime and column inches bombed at the box office and although Cockneys Vs Zombies will undoubtedly find an audience on DVD, it went down like a lead balloon at the cinema.

The film has it's moments, and Hoene provides us with plenty of gruesomely inventive ways of disposing with the undead. Fans of Family Guy will find mirth in the flash comic asides and the attempt at social commentary with regard to the gentrification of the East End due to the Olympics is noble enough.

Unfortunately the negatives do outweigh the positives. Sure, seeing a Zombie being stabbed in the face with a lamp by Honor Blackman is amusing, but the carnage becomes tedious pretty quickly - and a scene involving the now obligatory zombie baby is distasteful rather than funny. It's just all a bit average, and despite the odd the spark of originality, you feel like you've seen it all before and seen it done better.

You get the impression that Cockneys Vs Zombies and Attack the Block were given the green light because the big wigs are looking for the next Shaun of The Dead (2004) and you can understand their reasoning. “Shaun…” was a low budget horror comedy that made millions and received plenty of critical acclaim, but it's wrong to regard it as the film all other British films should aspire to. Our film industry is capable of better, and there are plenty of talented writers and directors out there who have something original to offer. Who knows, maybe their movie will buck the trend and make some damn money for a change.

You can find the edited version at www.cine-vue.com